Have the Rolling Stones killed.

dirtydustinhoffmanneedsabath:

mykicks:

Lousy Smarch weather…

It is embarrassing how frequently I say this and then have to attempt to explain the reference.

mrs-nezbit:

Dentist: “Mr. Simpson, do you floss often?”

Homer: “Absolutely! All the time! I go into the floss store, and everyone there is like ‘Whoa, there he is again!’”

(via nrrdgrrrl, obscenities)

-fauxaffliction:

(via mykicks)

xamanderx:

mykicks:

I think people who automatically dismiss recent seasons of The Simpsons miss out on rare, beautiful moments like this - a swarm of killer bees attacks a stadium and Bumblebee Man begs “Stop, I am one of you!” and this is the bee’s response.

It’s about as good as the bizarre Halloween special from a couple years back where orange pumpkins come to life, reveal their hatred for yellow pumpkins, and declare “PUMPKIN SEGREGATION FOREVER!” while dying.

- Oh, don’t poo-poo a nickel, Lisa. A nickel will buy you a steak and kidney pie, a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel, with enough change left over to ride the trolley from Battery Park to the polo grounds.

- There’s a can.

- Now take a seat, junior, and listen to someone who gave their youth in service to their country. Mrs. Crab-Apple, the pledge please.

- You haven’t dealt with women for a long time, have you, Sergeant?

- …Are you asking me out?